Prudence

In the book of Proverbs we read that, A righteous man does not slander with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend, Psalm 15:3. Two middle school girls are standing at their bus stop and one says to the other, “I don’t like Alice. I don’t like her hair, the way she dresses, nor the way she talks.” College students sitting at lunch see a classmate walk in and say, “Did you know she is bulimic? I think her boy friend made her get an abortion and then he broke up with her.” Two mothers are watching their ten year old sons play soccer and one says, “I hear Johnny’s parents are having trouble. I think they are getting a divorce.” Two older men are talking and one says, “Did you hear that Bill’s business went south? Yeah, he’s really struggling. Did you see the car he is now driving?”

What do these people have in common? They all are victims of tale bearing, bearing false witness. God hates this sort of thing. James 3:2ff points out that the tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it people bless God and with it they curse man. Proverbs 6:16ff say that there are six, even seven things God hates and the last two listed are, “A false witness who utters lies, and one who spreads strife among brothers.”

The ninth commandment tells us not to bear false witness against our neighbor. What does this mean? Positively stated this means that we are to love, promote, and support the truth in any and all circumstances. Jonathan is a good example of one who promoted good reports about David, his close friend, when Jonathan’s father was seeking to kill him. See I Samuel 19.2ff. It means that we are to give and receive only good reports about others. I Corinthians 13:7 says that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It means that we never are to gossip or spread slander, Psalm 101:5. And negatively this means we are never to live or speak falsehood, dishonesty, or harm to others. Full disclosure in your business dealings is the name of the game. It means we are never to flatter or boast.

No one would dispute what I’ve just written, but the problem comes in applying it in the real world. This takes prudence. To help with this, consider these principles.

One: only receive or give potentially negative information about another if you are in a position to help the person with his sin or failure. If you are not, then you ought politely but directly ask, “Why are you sharing this with me?” Do you think I am in a position to do something about it?

Two: learn the art of self-restraint. There simply are certain things which need not be discussed with you. You are not the proper one to hear such talk.

Three: learn to give others the benefit of the doubt. We tend to judge or condemn others for doing things we consider inappropriate. Two examples come immediately to mind. The first is child discipline and the second is the means parents choose to educate their children. You may know parents who you believe are far too lenient with their children or far too strict. The tendency is to judge them based on your limited knowledge of their situation. Don’t do it. You don’t know why they do what they choose to do. And you may think one’s children are too sheltered if they are in a home school or Christian school, or you may think some parents are not sufficiently concerned about their children’s spiritual welfare if they are in a public school. Let it go unless you are in a position gently to help or inquire. Give these parents the benefit of the doubt.

And how can we promote and preserve truth telling? When we seek God first, when we love Him supremely then it will naturally follow that we love people enough to not receive damning information about them.

I can’t help thinking of our Lord Jesus Christ who was called a friend of tax-gathers and sinners. In today’s parlance that would be like saying He hangs out with corrupt politicians, prostitutes, exotic dancers, and pimps. He was called a drunkard and demon possessed. Today that would be like saying Jesus, the perfect and sinless Son of God, is a drug addict and into the occult and séances. And when He went to Calvary He was executed. When you read of a modern day execution you immediately believe the man is guilty. Things were no different in Jesus’ day. Indeed He was despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.

If Jesus could suffer such lies, tale bearing, and false witnessing then you can too. Furthermore you can refrain from tale bearing and bearing false witness. How? Do you not have the Holy Spirit indwelling you? Did not Jesus die for you? Do you not therefore have His resurrection power to withstand such sin? Feed on Jesus and delight supremely in Him.

AL BAKER

Pastor of Christ Community Presbyterian Church (Mission, PCA) in West Hartford, Connecticut.

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